Half Light
by walked-into-the-sky
Summary: Courtney Chetwynde can tell you the first time she really saw Mark Dimond.


I don't own Pendragon. That honor belongs solely to Mr. D J MacHale.

This short piece was inspired by the end of Black Water, which I just reread in my quest to revisit the entire series before finishing it. Yes, I have not read Soldiers of Halla yet. But I'm looking at it right now. It's so tempting. Must resist.

Anyways, on with the story. It's my take on Courtney's little melt down.

Half Light

-Begin-

Courtney Chetwynde can tell you the first time she really saw Mark Dimond. She wasn't sure if it had been a gradual change, or a sudden onslaught of feeling that she hadn't stood a chance against. She just didn't know and it terrified her. But when she finally saw it, it frightened her more than Saint Dane ever could because she hadn't seen it coming.

You see, it hit her like a freight train, that realization. She will never forget the moment, she replayed it in her mind often, and it made her stomach churn as she went over just how stupid she had acted. They had been sitting in her father's workshop, they had just finished reading Journal 19, which had offered no comfort and more devastation than she could handle, and he was holding it with shaking hands. Her eyes rose, met his wide, terrified gaze, and her heart literally stopped. It honestly ceased beating for a full thirty seconds before she realized that this, _this _was Mark Dimond. Barely a day before she had been kissing Bobby Pendragon, flirting shamelessly with Vo Spader and looking everywhere but at the one person she should have seen all along. And so when she looked at him in the light from the dingy, dusty light bulb above him, saw him for who he really was and understood finally how much she needed him, it was in some ways worse than the story the parchment resting limply in his fingers held.

She realized suddenly that she had betrayed him and everything their friendship stood for about a minute after she first saw him. And so she stood up, paced away, because she couldn't face what she had done to him and looking at that face, the face that had trusted her and cared for her, even when she thought no one else did, for so long just made it that much worse. She moved around the large, dusty room, looking at the shadow he cast in the muted light rather than at him, watching as his head turned to follow her, to keep her in his sights.

She wanted him to comfort her, but really it was way more than she deserved.

So she began to sob, because that's all she really could do, and the apologies that accompanied the tears only made her feel worse, even when he whispered in his pathetic stutter that it wasn't her fault.

Mark Dimond wasn't handsome, he wasn't charming, and maybe he needed to wash his hair more often. Maybe he was clumsy, occasionally awkward, overly geeky, and ate way too many carrots. But Mark Dimond was also the kindest person she had ever met, something he proved when, even after she started shouting at him in an almost accusatory way, sounding almost as if she blamed him for not stopping her adventurous tear across time and space, he continued to tell her, vehemently, that it wasn't her fault.

It was after his last few words, telling her it would have been worse if they had lost Eelong rather than risk bringing the antidote from Cloral, that she realized the truth. She didn't deserve him. She had never deserved him. Mark was all the things she wasn't and, despite all his social awkwardness and nervous stutter, he would be greater than she could even hope to be. Bobby needed Mark, needed Mark more than he could ever need her. He had Loor now, after all, though it didn't really bother her, not anymore. She turned and looked at the boy perched on the couch, sinking into the cushions, his hair a little greasy, his eyes a little watery, and his mouth quivering as though he wanted nothing more than to follow her lead and break down. But he wouldn't, because they both knew it would only upset her more and it was obvious he wanted nothing more than to comfort her, because that's what he did, she realized abruptly. He offered her the shoulder she needed and without him, she never would have survived her first few weeks of high school. It was because of Mark Dimond that she had retained the strength she had, because he had been there for her when no one else would.

As he sat, looking helplessly at the parchment in his hands, she knew that she could only drag him down from this point on.

So she sent him home with the lie of talking about the news of Kasha's death and the destruction of Eelong's flume after it got the chance to sink in. Then she went up to her bedroom, fell into her sheets, and sobbed a little more, because she was just that weak.

Courtney Chetwynde can tell you the exact day she realized she was in love with Mark Dimond.

It was also the day she decided to leave him.

-End-

So, like, no like, thought it was super dramatic and that Courtney would never think like that? Well, now's your chance to share your feelings (points indiscreetly at the Submit a Review button in the bottom left hand corner of the screen)! Please review! Thank you!


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